After the most perfect week of our lives in Nosy Be we had made the journey back to mainland Madagascar. Unfortunately Ambanja, the city we were in for the night until we headed up North, didn’t have much to offer in the way of tourist attractions… In fact , according to Lonely Planet there is only one – The Millot Plantation

This beautiful plantation, established in 1904, is a leading producer of organic cocoa, spices and essential oils, and a visit to this little slice of paradise is not only highly informative but a true festival of the senses. The tour can be topped off with lunch in the beautiful old farmhouse.

It honestly sounded like the perfect opportunity to learn about Madagascan agriculture after a week of brain-numbingly relaxing beach-breaking. We woke up early to dedicate the day to experiencing the dreamy scene that Lonely Planet had painted for us…

Against a backdrop of stunning scenery, the formidable Mado, your guide, will invite you to taste or smell every plant on the farm, from the lychee-like raw cocoa beans straight out of their husk, to potent green peppercorns soaking in brine and vinegar. You’ll also poke your nose in the distillery, where ylang-ylang essential oils or freshly picked vetiver roots will fight for your olfactory attention. During your visit, you’ll see how each plant is grown, picked and processed (the distillery for perfume plants, and preparation areas for cocoa and spices). Millot employs more than 800 people, the majority of them women. The plantation also supports the village school, which most of the employees’ children attend.

It basically sounds perfect. We had spoken to the staff at our (very budget) hotel and arranged a Tuk Tuk to take us to the plantation the night before – after some hard bargaining and a disgruntled Tuk Tuk driver angrily abandoning us after getting frustrated at my bad french and our stubbornness.

But we weren’t going to let a strange Tuk Tuk driver encounter stop us from having the perfect Millot Plantation day. We gave into his price and were on our way… (I must admit, the fact that he was wearing an Adelaide ‘Clipsal 500’ T-shirt seemed like a weird sign that he should be our escort for the big day).

With the wind in our hair and our Tuk Tuk Millot Plantation bound we were ready to learn about delicious plants.

We arrived at the Millot Plantation. Our driver dropped us at an office where we were directed further down the road… A road which led to a Magnificent Mansion – The ‘Directors House’.

We blindly strolled through the house into the dining area where we found some staff who we hoped could help us organise the wonderful Millot Plantation tour. There seemed to be a lot of confusion about what we wanted.

We continued to attempt to explain in broken French to the lovely young staff member until a more authoritative woman took over. Sending the young girl away she sat in front of us and surveyed us with a look that reminded me of a particularly menacing principal from ‘Matilda’.

‘What do you want?’

Realising that we could finally explain the situation in English we asked (quite politely at this point) if we may pretty please (with a cherry on top) have a tour of the finest Millot Planation in Madagascar – well, perhaps not that politely but still very very nicely.

“Do you have a car?”

“No”

“You come to my Plantion without a car?”

“Yes”

“You cannot see my plantation without a car. My plantation is very big.”

“We are sorry – we didn’t realise we needed a car…”

“How did you find out about my plantation?”

“Lonely Planet…”

“It says very clearly that you need a car.”

I knew we should have put more faith in the accuracy of 2012 Lonely Planet…

“We didn’t think the information was up to date…”

“I never change – I get older, but I never change.”

Lonely Planet didn’t mention that…

It seemed that the situation had escalated very quickly and I may need to contact Lonely Planet and warn them that you enter the plantation without a car at your own risk – because we were in trouble… And I am talking about primary school ‘go sit in the naughty corner’ trouble… Unlike every other establishment we had visited in Madagascar the Millot Plantation had some strict visiting rules and we had broken a big one.
We soon discovered that Mrs. Millot Plantation was the director herself. Adorned in jewels and a pretty wonderful haircut she was stern woman who definitely missed out on a wonderful opportunity to be the scariest primary school principal that has ever graced planet earth – good thing she has the occasional naughty carless tourist to scold… I’m just glad that Madagascar don’t have many wooden rulers lying around or we would have left with burns.

She showed us to one of the tables in the gorgeous outdoor courtyard where she served us coffee and tea whilst the tone of the situation flipped entirely… She went from bad cop to good cop in mere minutes and suddently we were sipping tea and discussing how she could try very hard to arrange something for us…

‘Trying Very Hard’ apparently involves:

• Huffing and puffing about how inconvenient our lack of vehicle was to her.
• Informing us of her children studying in France and all the money she liked to give them.
• Reminding us of how big her plantation is…

‘Trying Very Hard’ also seemed suspiciously fraudulently nice…

I was bold. Too bold. I made a suggestion…

“Maybe we could just see a small section of the plantation..?”

We had driven past some of the cocoa production on our way in so I knew we were walking distance to at least a small part of the planation.

“It is not possible. You must see the entire plantation.”

Fair enough – rules are rules… right?

Eventually she suggested using her own car… For 60 euro…Unfortunately that was slight out of our budget for two hours of car rental to admire some chocolate….

We had been tediously discussing the situation for over an hour now and I was getting desperate…

“Perhaps you could just tell us about the plantation?”

“It is not possible. You must see the plantation to learn about it.”

Fair enough – seeing is believing after all…

“OK I have an idea. We could do a short tour of a small part of the plantation.”

I was confused. I had suggested something similar only half an hour ago and it wasn’t possible… Honestly under the impression I had misunderstood I turned to Joost and quietly asked if that was the same idea I had mentioned…

(And I completely admit that it was a rude thing to do).

“No. It is not what you suggested. Why are you talking about me – I speak English. I have a masters degree.”

I’m not sure why the masters degree was in any way relevant to the situation but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a Masters of Eliminating Unwelcome Carless Tourists from Plantations.

Yes. I managed to get us kicked out of a Millot Plantation.

The entire situation felt like the modern-day Django Unchained, and I think if they ever make a new film of ‘Matilda’, Mrs. Plantation would definitely make the perfect ‘Miss Trunchbull’. I feel like a certain quote from the movie describe this Plantations director’s outlook on life quite perfectly…

“I’m going to punish you, because I’m big and you’re small, I’m right and you’re wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

Millot Plantation – Make a reservation for the tour.

Andzavibe Ambanja (Madagascar)

Tel: +261 20 86 92 107

Email: info@cananga.fr

www.cananga.fr/laplantation

Costs:  Plantation visit € 10.00

Lunch and Plantation visit € 25.00

B&B € 20.00

Because there is honestly NOTHING else to do in Ambanja, (except, of course, feel sorry for yourself after getting kicked off of the Millot Plantation) I would still recommend giving a visit to the plantation a go if you are a much better behaved tourist than I am…

With any luck you won’t leave with the same sour taste of rotten cacao as we did, because if you are good tourist Lonely Planet says that…

Lunch includes dishes prepared with products from the plantation, including a wondrous chocolate cake with vanilla cream. Make sure you try Mado’s exquisite chocolate-flavoured rum (made with the plantation’s cocoa, of course). You can also sleep at the farmhouse, where there are simple and atmospheric rooms (doubles €55, including dinner).

Yes, just like in Matilda, the strict scary woman will serve you chocolate cake! But please don’t forget the final paragraph from Lonely Planet…

Because the plantation spreads over 15 sq km, you’ll need a vehicle.