Uganda
Muzungu’s in Too Deep: Grade 5 White Water Rafting on the Nile
Jinja. The Adventure capital of Uganda. AKA the city that I accidentally went grade 5 white water rafting in…
As a nervous Muzungu (tourist), I signed up for baby grade 3 rafting, but upon arriving at the starting point I was informed that there was only one option. I would be grade 5 rafting today.
Hahaha, what!?
With pseudo bravery we boarded our rafts and learnt the water rules. We called ourself the ‘baby boat’ also known as ‘the chicken boat’ or ‘four Muzungu’s who have gotten themselves in way too deep…
Our guide, Yo, was not impressed. He had reluctantly taken the ‘chicken boat’ and was determined to liberate his baby Muzungu chickens. And teach us a few things about the differences between African and Western dating along the way…
“When I first started this job, I used to try and impress all the Muzungu’s, but then I realised Mazingu women are not good. You have to ask permission to bring 10 friends home and they don’t share their men”.
Parties and promiscuity? He obviously hadn’t met enough Australians….
“In Africa we do not have cheating. In Africa it is called ‘expanding your clan”…
Don’t know if that excuse would go down so well in Australia…
“…That’s why we don’t take anti-baby pills, it is not good for the clan”.
Got it, clan comes first.
“If an African man ends up with a Muzungu women, they just end up with Zebra babies…”
What an exotic clan…
“…And the real reason women like tall men is for lighting safety”.
Safety first, right?
He went on to tell us about his extreme immigration beliefs, his dislike of English people and cannibalism. We had three more hours of grade 5 rapids to survive and I questioned our safety. Especially with two Brits on board…
But we really couldn’t have asked for a better guide. He directed us to safety through every wave, whirlpool and worry… And then tipped us on the final rapid…
He had promised us a swim… But Yo was not the most trustworthy man…
“My English wife must be very stupid. She liked me even after seeing my chicken legs… I am not very good for lightening safety”
Oh Yo.
It was along day but completely incredible. The quick rapids were separated by long periods of cruising the Nile, admiring the breathtaking views of the starting point of Africa’s great river.
The rapids are nothing short of exhilarating. Watching the braver rafts flip and spin and the brave kayakers disappear through the waves pumps the adrenalin through your veins ever before you hit that first wave. We held on for dear life and let the tears wash away in the white water.
As a virgin rafter, I felt in safe hands the entire time, and African dating advise conquering the grade 5 white water of the Nile is an experience I am not going to forget anytime soon.
We screamed, we laughed and we ate pineapple. It is probably the most fun a Muzungu can have without lightening safety equipment…
(And yes, I am the red-helmeted mess in the photos…)
Nile River Explorers
P.O.Box 2155
Jinja Uganda
Tel: +256 (0)772 422373
Email: rafting@raftafrica.com
