After watching the sunset over the clouds, we crossed the border in the sky. We said farewell to our Canadian air traffic controller and were welcomed into American airspace. The voice of freedom and bravery directed our landing and we touch downed on US soil in Bangor, Maine.

It was late. We were tired. We had spent way more time in Canada than expected, and we still planned on making it to New York that night. We parked the plane and waited for border securities warm welcome. This guy didn’t seem to do warm.

“Show me your passports.”

“OK.”

“Get out of the Plane.”

“OK.”

“You stand on the right side of the plane and you stand on the left.”

“OK.”

“Stay right there, I am going to need to get my supervisor.”

So there we were. It was the middle of the night and sub-zero temperatures. If I knew we were going to be having a fun late-night tarmac get-together I would have brought snacks, or maybe even a scarf.

The supervisor arrived. He seemed to be just as impressed as the other guy. He had a torch. He seemed to get a thrill out of flashing it in our faces.

“Are you on drugs.”

“…No?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Is he on drugs.”

“…No?”

“Do you have any drugs.”

It was extremely hard to resist making a sassy comment about this guy needing to get drugs off his mind. But even I don’t have that much attitude. I’ve watched Border Security, I didn’t want to end up being locked up in that little room.

I ended up being locked up in that little room.

Apparently randomly hopping on a plane with a person you’ve just met is extremely suspicious and therefore I must be a spy. They seemed so convinced that I was some sort of undercover enemy that I almost believed them myself. There was nobody else in the airport so they even opened up all the detention stuff for us. I felt like criminal VIP.

I was already picturing the preview for the movie they would make about me when I remembered that I really wasn’t that interesting. The only offence I had made that day was forgetting to throw away the bunch of bananas before we left Canada. (If there’s one thing they hate more than you being an illegal immigrant, it’s attempting to smuggle in fresh fruit).

So there we were, two US citizens detained in an attempt to enter the US. Bearing suspicious fruit and obviously too much enthusiasm we were sent to the naughty corner. AKA United States of America border security detention. The room was eerily spacious and covered in posters of suspicious-looking men and sad-looking children. It was much more grim than my high school detentions in the geography room…

They decided to search the entire plane. I actually think it’s quite impressive that they had that much energy at 2am. After an hour or so they returned. Don’t worry – there was no more fresh fruit.

They questioned us once, and a second time, another time for good luck… I lost count. Eventually they started to go through our personal luggage.

Phone calls were answered, text messages were read, underwear was scrutinised, diaries were read and toiletries were seen as extremely suspicious. Especially female toiletries…

I was not in the room at the time, but a giggling pilot retold the tale to me later…

What’s an absorbent little white cotton object that is attached to a string and comes in handy little boxes of about 8…

Apparently it’s not so obvious to the brightest team members at Bangor Airport Border Security…

My suspicious items caused quit a debate between the staff, one guy convinced it was some exotic drug packaging, while the other convinced they were suppositories. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had put them up their noses. The box was labelled. Eventually they worked it out…

I bought a new box of tampons.

Hours later they concluded our time in detention with a father-like lecture about my reckless teenage behaviour. Finally, we were released and we freely and bravely entered the Land of the Free. Exhausted, banana-less and probably potassium deprived, we opted for a 3-hour sleep before we made the journey to the big apple.

It turns out citizens of the USA are indeed allowed to enter the USA. I wonder if it always takes five hours to reach that conclusion…