The Secret to Surviving 60 Hours of Travelling? Sleeping Pills, Coffee and Wine.
As a travel agent I would never let anyone book a trip that involves 5 flights consecutively, involving 60 hours in transit… Except, perhaps, myself….
Yep, that’s correct – I booked myself a journey to Lisbon via Perth, Johannesburg, Nairobi and Dubai in ‘one’ day.
Some Everyone would call me insane.
But look if it makes it any better I had already booked my flights to Nairobi and the spontaneous Lisbon extension was going to be cheaper to change my old flights than book totally new ones. Does that make it sound any better? Probably not I guess…
I made sure to stock up on sleeping pills before the trip and took note of my doctors advice to ‘take them with a glass of wine and they will be more effective’. I love the medical profession and all its’ tips and tricks.
But I’m sure you’re all wondering how I actually survived 60 hours of
hell travelling. I decided to take notes to record my deepest thoughts and feelings during such an emotional journey.
- Hour -1: My Vegemite… I forgot to pack my Vegemite…
- Hour -0.5: When will they design a carry-on sized salty spread.
- Hour -0.4: That’s a good idea… I could make millions…
- Hour -0.1: Bye Mum…
- Hour 0: I’ve got this. I miss my mummy but I’ve definitely got this.
- Hour 0.5: I’m tired
- Hour 1: I am not tired, I am fine. This is fine.
- Hour 1.2: I AM NOT FINE, I HAVE NOT GOT THIS.
- Hour 1.3: Why are my eyes wet…Am I crying..?
- Hour 1.5: Grow up Kat, you’ve got this remember. Yeah. Totally.
- Hour 3: Did the lady next to me just fart…
- Hour 3.1: Yep. She did.
- Hour 3.5: WOO! One flight down. This is easy. Helllloooo Perth.
- Hour 3.7: Well this airport sucks.
- Hour 3.9: This airport reaaaaallly sucks.
- Hour 4: Tired.
- Hour 5: Ohhhh Sumo Salad
- Hour 5.1: What do you mean you don’t have the Moroccan Roast Veg Salad?
- Hour 5.2: Yes I know the Quinoa Salad looks good but that’s beside the point
- Hour 6.5: That Quinoa salad was good.
- Hour 7: UGH how much longer!?
- Hour 7.1: 53 hours. 53 hours longer.
- Hour 10.5: I gave in. I bought a neck pillow. It has sleeping sheep on it. It’s cute I promise.
- Hour 10.7: Jeez, I look like such a dorky tourist carrying this thing.
- Hour 11.5: BYE AUSTRALIA
- Hour 11.7: This neck pillow may be one of the best investments I have made in this lifetime.
- Hour 12: Is that an empty seat next to me..
- Hour 12.3: Lady in 54D please stop eyeing off the empty seat because that has my feet written all over it.
- Hour 13: OK seatbelt sign is off, quickly, spread out into the empty seat. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
- Hour 13.2: Shit 54D doesn’t look impressed, pretend your asleep.
- Hour 14: Food? What? Oh, I actually fell asleep.
- Hour 14.1: Hmm tofu… Is that going to sit well for 11 hours?
- Hour 15: OK time to follow doctors orders. Wine. Pills. Sleep…
- Hour 20: …Well that worked.
- Hour 21: Getting real tired of your sassy looks 54D.
- Hour 21.5: RE: Tofu – Nope.
- Hour 22: More food? South African Airways you spoil me.
- Hour 23: Africa, is that you?
- Hour 23.5: Judging by the Zebra skin rugs and stuffed lions I am going to say yes.
- Hour 24: I AM IN AFRICA
- Hour 24.1: Apparently so is KFC
- Hour 25: 67% of the staff in this airport are singing. I like this place.
- Hour 27.5 Boarding gate A30. Why are there so many safari suits? You all look ridiculous. You can probably spot an elephant in jeans.
- Hour 28: Nairobi here I come!
- Hour 28.5 My plane was supposed to board half an hour ago…
- Hour 28.6: Oh great, we need to take the bus to the plane…
- Hour 28.8: OK it is now the flight departure time and this bus still isn’t moving
- Hour 29: FINALLY
- Hour 29.3: Nairobi here I come! (for real this time)
- Hour 30: Why does this plane smell like meat…
- Hour 30.1: Oh the guy next to me is just eating meat. Don’t want to run low on iron during the flight…
- Hour 30.3: Cheese too?
- Hour 30.4: Great.
- Hour 31: Yes, that is my vegan meal. Thank you for passing it Mr Meaty.
- Hour 31.5: Stop eying off my salad Meaty.
- Hour 33: Helllooooo Kenya.
- Hour 33.5: So, how does this customs thing work? This place is crazy. How do I buy a visa? Which forms do I fill out? Where do I line up? Where am I? Who am I?
- Hour 33.6: I got this.
- Hour 33.7: No I don’t have any US dollars, do you take Australian monopoly money?
- Hour 33.8: This ATM doesn’t work
- Hour 33.8: This other ATM doesn’t work.
- Hour 33.9: OK I have been told to leave the airport, get money and come back. Is this legal?
- Hour 34: That person is naked, is that legal?
- Hour 34.1: OK, found the money exchange, OK, back to ‘secure’ customs. Take my money, give me a visa… Please…
- Hour 34.2: Nailed it.
- Hour 34.2: My bag… It made it. I am almost in shock.
- Hour 34.3: TIRED.
- Hour 34.3: I am lost, I should ask someone for directions.
- Hour 34.4: This man looks nice.
- Hour 34.4: … His rifle doesn’t look so nice…
- Hour 34.4: He was surprisingly helpful.
- Hour 34.5: Just keep walking along the road until I
get hit by a vehiclefind the terminal.
- Hour 34.6: OK made it. Only 5 more hours to kill.
- Hour 35: Reaaal tired.
- Hour 35.5: Fact: Nairobi airport wifi is quicker than Adelaide airport wifi.
- Hour 36: …Why isn’t my flight on the list of departures..?
- Hour 36.2: Oh, it’s a list of yesterdays departures, of course.
- Hour 37: Need. Coffee.
- Hour 38: Suddenly I feel fine.
- Hour 40: Oh we can board just an hour after boarding time? That’s nice.
- Hour 41: So…Tired…
- Hour 46: …That went quickly
- Hour 46.5: Hello Dubai, I hope you still have that nice juice place.
- Hour 47: Should I get pineapple and strawberry juice or the healthy green one?
- Hour 47.2: Ha, I am in no state of mind to be making healthy choices. Give me the sugar.
- Hour 48: Wow, this is much more glammy than Nairobi.
- Hour 49: Yes, I will have a free sample of all the dates.
- Hour 52: OK this is it. The final flight. I have got this.
- Hour 53: Apparently all departures have been suspended so we must wait in the plane.
- Hour 53.1: Please turn the aircon up Emirates. Now I know how small children feel in hot cars.
- Hour 53.5: OK, this is it, we are on our way.
- Hour 55: So sleeeepy…
- Hour 59: 59 hours down, 1 to go.
- Hour 60: ‘Welcome to Lisbon’
- Hour 60.1: Wait… I MADE IT!
So there you have it. I survived 60 hours of hell and only lost 74% of my mind.
I don’t have any photos of myself suffering through these 60 hours but I found some photos of people online that depict how I felt…