Getting lost in Venice is like falling in love. You arrive confident with grand romantic plans for your encounter with the city and end up hopelessly confused and desperate to get your sanity back. You are crazy about the place but deep down you know that you need to get out before you are stuck with 5 kids and a mortgage….

Somehow I did manage to get out childless, but it wasn’t easy. We were wondering the narrow alleyways and cobbled streets for hours. We were rained on, directed the wrong way, and one of my companions may have stolen an unaccompanied yiros.

There a few things you need to know about getting lost in Venice without losing your mind (that I wish I knew):

• The map won’t make sense. No local will be able to successfully explain your position on the on the map. But it is Italy after all, where hands speak louder than words or maps. If you ask enough locals frequently enough you may eventually  find yourself in the right place.
• Don’t be time poor. If you are rushed, you will be stressed. Do not try and see everything and make it back in time for a 4pm bus. Trust me. I am speaking from experience. YOU WILL MISS THE BUS. Relax. Wander. Explore. Venice is a beautiful place if you look up from your watch.
• Don’t let the crowds frustrate you. It is an amazing place, but a small one. The island is sinking so there is a reason why Venice is so crowded. Don’t get too frustrated because those other tourists are just like you. Innocently trying to have their own magical moment in the congested streets.
• Line up. If you leave Venice without having gone on a gondola you have failed. Go back and line up; and cross your fingers that gondolier has a good voice.

I must admit, getting lost in Venice isn’t just a frustrating leg workout, it is actually kind of magical. Just like looking into a lovers eyes, you may find yourself completely lost in the beauty of the city as you weave through the romantic labyrinth. So my advice to you is to ditch the map and get lost, because as good as your sense of direction may be, you don’t have a hope of keeping your bearings in Venice.

Or you can just accept that you are stuck there. I promise to post a card for your first baby shower. Good luck.